When it comes to our physical health, we’re accustomed to regular check-ups with physicians and dentists. Our mental health, however, often gets neglected and is only attended to when we’ve found ourselves in a bad place. In recent times, there have been a number of events in the world that are causing stress. The following are some questions to ask yourself to figure out how you’re doing and if any area of your life needs some attention. It would be wonderful to talk through some of these areas with your children as well, to help them check-in with themselves and figure out if there is an area of their life they would like to improve. If, on reflection, you recognize you’re really struggling in a certain area, it may be time to reach out for some help.

• Mood- how do you feel most of the time? Are you generally feeling happy, calm, or neutral, or do you often find yourself feeling anxious or sad? How are your feelings impacting your relationships, parenting, work, and self-care? Are there people, activities, or hobbies that bring you joy?

• Relationships- are there people in your life who you feel connected to? Do you feel there are people who care about you and who you care about? Are there people in your life you can depend on?

• Self-Care- Are you able to relax and take it easy sometimes? Do you spend time everyday doing something you enjoy? Do you do things to take care of yourself like eat well, get enough sleep, and exercise?

• Goals- Do you have goals for your life, academically/ in work, in your relationships, with your children, and at home? Do you feel like you are doing the things you want to do?

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

For those families who will not be sending to camp the idea of spending June, July and August cooped up inside with children can seem daunting. This week we are sharing tips to help get through the summer.

Focus on what's most important. This is a hard time. By which I mean that every parent I know is overwhelmed, struggling to balance work while they show up for their kids. Lower your expectations and focus on what matters. Your children don't need a vacation to Disney World. They don't even need a trip to the seashore. They just need as much time as they can get outside. And of course, more than anything, what your child needs is a parent who's calm and emotionally generous. What matters most is YOU. That means that your most important job is to keep yourself centered, so you can stay patient with your child. What do you need to do every day to replenish yourself? That should be at the top of your list.

Then, connect with your child. This does not have to be a big activity and it never has to cost money. Remember, what matters is always how things FEEL, not how things LOOK. Your child doesn't need a fancy outing; just a loving connection with you. Whether it's running through the sprinkler together on a hot afternoon or counting the stars on a blanket in the backyard before bedtime, what your child will remember from this summer is how you made them feel.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

For those families who will not be sending to camp the idea of spending June, July and August cooped up inside with children can seem daunting. This week we are sharing tips to help get through the summer.

Create fun family adventures outdoors. If you can, get away from home, so you can escape the mess and the to-do list. For instance, get out of your home and into nature. Being in nature is calming for the nervous system. The more time children are outside, the healthier and happier they are. It may take kids half an hour to figure out what to do with themselves, but once they do, they'll find the outdoors endlessly interesting. They won't get bored, they won't fight with each other, and they'll sleep better that night. Being outdoors gives you the perfect opportunity to experiment safely with a more "free-range" approach, which fosters independence and resilience in children.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

For those families who will not be sending to camp the idea of spending June, July and August cooped up inside with children can seem daunting. This week we are sharing tips to help get through the summer.

Staycation. If it's not possible to leave your home, then plan a staycation that's different from your regular life. For instance, maybe you'll pitch a tent in your living room, make homemade ice cream, play cards and charades, roast marshmallows on your gas stove, and star-gaze from your backyard. But be sure to ditch screens for the weekend. This is a perfect opportunity to see how rich life can be without them. If you're working at home and need to keep your child occupied, don't assume that you have to use screens nonstop. It's possible to help children learn to play independently, even if they aren't used to it -- and it's good for them! For tips, here's a whole article on how to do this: Supporting Your Child To Play Independently.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

For those families who will not be sending to camp the idea of spending June, July and August cooped up inside with children can seem daunting. This week we are sharing tips to help get through the summer.

Have a brainstorming session with your family to create a Family Fun list. Activities for those long weekends, even with physical distancing, that will bring your family closer and be fulfilling for everyone. Depending on the age of your child, be sure to include some more adventurous ideas like family camping trips, creating a water park in your backyard, or working together to make a video about your family.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Many people are still uncertain about summer plans. Each family is faced with significant decisions about how they will be spending their summer. For those families who will not be sending to camp the idea of spending June, July and August cooped up inside with children can seem daunting. This week we are sharing tips to help get through the summer.

Have a brainstorming session with your family to create a Daily Activities list. What needs to be done daily to keep your family in good shape, physically and emotionally? Think meal prep, clean-up, Outside time, Special Time, Roughhousing, Family Dance Parties, Reading, Piano practice, etc. Create a daily schedule that includes these activities and stick to it. Research shows that having daily structure makes family life work better and keeps everyone healthier emotionally. Let your kids make themselves a chart with photos of them doing these activities, so they can check them off before they get screen time.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

When we think about fostering resilience in our children, it is helpful to think about finding a balance between what Dr. Dan Siegel refers to as “pushin’ and cushion.” There are times when our children need us to challenge them, to encourage them to take risks and face uncomfortable circumstances – or pushin’. This helps them develop internal strength, grit, and mental toughness and helps them learn to move out of their comfort zone. However, we need to be mindful that doing so doesn’t cause them too much distress, to the extent they become more fearful, dependent, and less willing to try something new. That is the time to provide a cushion – an emotional safety net to help your children cope and manage their emotions. One way to help ourselves find the delicate balance of when to provide pushin’ and when to provide cushion is to ask yourself: Is me pushin’ right now going to lead my child to be less likely to try this again next time? If the answer is yes, try to provide some support, or cushion, and help your child start to take small steps toward a particular goal.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

A major aspect of being resilient is being able to tolerate uncomfortable emotions. Over the last few weeks, we have likely watched our children experience a range of emotions – whether it be sadness over an inability to socialize in a “normal way,” sense of grief that certain milestones can’t be celebrated with family and friends, or anger directed at parents and siblings. Our automatic reaction is to jump in and help our children feel better, either through reassurance, redirection, or problem solving. While all of these actions are certainly helpful at times, it is also important to let our children know that we don’t always need to automatically “get rid” of these feelings. Sometimes, just acknowledging that our children are having a certain experience and letting them know that we understand where they are coming from can be a powerful moment of connection. It also helps build our children’s tolerance for these emotions and experiences, paving the way for them to become more resilient in the future.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Interestingly, the single best predictor of resilience in childhood is having a relationship with a loving caregiver. Children who have the experience of a consistent, stable, and safe relationship are shown to have higher levels of resilience after undergoing stressful situations. The security of knowing that they have someone who is looking out for them and caring about them helps children explore, take risk, and manage disappointments that come with the inevitable setbacks that life brings. Now may be a good time to ask ourselves some tough questions about our own relationships with our children. Am I providing my child with an experience of being understood? Does my child know that I love them unconditionally, no matter what they do, feel or say? How do I show my child on a daily basis that I am trying to understand their point of view? If something seems awry – try using strategies we have discussed before, such as validation, special time, and collaborative problem solving, to “reset” your relationship. This will help increase the resilience of all of your family members.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

We all want to raise resilient children. We don’t always think about the ways in which fostering our own resilience and taking care of ourselves is just as important! If we are struggling to cope, it will be hard for us to help our children manage their negative emotions and experiences. One way to help ourselves remain resilient during weeks of social distancing is through self-compassion. We are humans in a very difficult situation and it is ok to be struggling or to have difficult moments. In fact, for many of us, if we reflect upon the last few months, it is surprising that we have been able to make it through such extraordinary circumstances – but we have! So next time you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, remind yourself “It is ok to be feeling this way, but I can handle it!”

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

What is resilience? Resilience is often referred to as the quality of being able to “bounce back” after experiencing a stress of crisis. More and more, psychologists are starting to understand that after difficult or stressful situations individuals do not usually return to their previous state, but rather, experience some form of growth as a result of these challenges. Being resilient involves tolerating negative and uncomfortable emotions, such as stress, disappointment, and grief. Interestingly, we are born with the capacity for resilience and can actually train ourselves to engage in the behaviors, attitudes and actions that are associated with growing from stressful situations. This week we are going to dive into the concept of resilience and explore how we can develop this trait in ourselves and our children. To learn more about resilience – click here.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

As the weeks continue, many of us are reporting feeling “burnt out” or suffering from “quarantine fatigue.” None of us signed up to be parent during a pandemic – during times of extended social isolation, unprecedented economic hardship, and an overall worldwide atmosphere of fear and uncertainty. Many of us are worried about how this experience will affect our children in the long-term. The truth is that we don’t know for certain. However, we can draw upon our knowledge of how children have responded to stressful situations in past history. The positive news is that children are surprisingly resilient! As we continue to count up toward Shabu’ot, let us take comfort in our innate capacity for resilience and weathering difficult times and enjoy a well-deserved holiday with our families.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Our children are responding in a variety of ways to the quarantine. Some seem unfazed, others are acting out, still others are sad and anxious, and some are noticeably enjoying the time at home. Parents of children who are visibly struggling with the pandemic, like expressing “When will Corona be over? I want to see my friends!” and crying, may benefit from the following video. The video is wonderful in its acceptance of the feelings and appreciation of what we do have during this time. We’re all feeling uncertainty. As we look forward to the summer and start of the next school year, we are unsure what each will bring. The message of “This is Not Forever” can bring comfort to us all. But, of course, the lack of certainty brings understandable anxiety.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

The last daily message discussed Dr. Ross Greene’s collaborative problem solving approach. But, sometimes, parents find it difficult to get their kids talking about an “unsolved problem.” Here are some strategies you can use, with a link to more strategies and examples.

· Reflective listening and clarifying questions should be your go to strategy. Just mirror (repeat) what the child says and encourage them to provide more information. For example, repeat what they said then ask “Can you say more about that?”

· Gather information related to the who, what, where and when of the problem. For example, “What is getting in the way of completing the science project?” Or “What time of day is harder/ easier for you to get work done?”

· Ask children what they’re thinking in the midst of the unsolved problem. For example, “What were you thinking when you were having trouble with the assignment?”

· Ask why the problem occurs under some circumstances but not others. For example, “It seems like it’s harder for you to do the science work but you’re OK with doing work for your other classes.”

· Share a discrepant perspective. For example, “I know you said you aren’t having trouble with the science project, but the last few times we took it out you got quite upset.”

· For younger kids, using the “Five-Finger Strategy” linked here can help them respond nonverbally, by holding up fingers to show their agreement with your guesses on what is bothering them. You can also use pictures that they can point to, linked here.

· Despite trying all of the above, your child may just need time to think. Offer to revisit the conversation at a later time.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

This week we are using Dr. Ross Greene’s approach to learn to effectively solve problems with children. The approach invites children to collaborate in solving “unmet expectations.” Once you pinpoint your child’s specific areas of struggle (see yesterday’s post for guidance on doing so), parents are encouraged to engage in the following steps.

· First, use empathy to understand the child’s concern or perspective. For example, “I’ve noticed… (insert concern here), what’s up?” Sometimes children are reluctant to share, you can use some of Dr. Greene’s drilling strategies to get more information. We’ll talk more about those in the next daily message.

· Next, you define your concern, for example, “My concern is…”

· Then, you invite the child to solve the problem collaboratively. Say, “I wonder if there’s a way to solve this. Do you have any ideas?” Brainstorm together and write down all of the ideas, even the ones that seem ridiculous.

· In the end, good solutions must be realistic (both parties can do their part) and mutually satisfactory (concerns of both parties will truly and logically be addressed).

· Finish the conversation by saying, “Let’s give it a try. If these solutions don't work well talk again until we find something that does work.”

It can be daunting to discuss a challenging experience once it is over. Who wants to revisit the upset and hurt once the storm passes? In the calm moments, however, we can think more clearly and collaborate better. In the “heat of the moment” it is very difficult to effectively solve problems. Here is a link to a cheat sheet for the collaborative problem solving plan.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

This week we’re discussing Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving approach. The first step to solving problems is identifying the challenges themselves and understanding why your child is struggling. Dr. Greene contends that children do well if they can. At the very least, that belief is a good place to start- when we explain negative behaviors as purposeful, it is much more difficult to feel helpful. Challenging behavior occurs when the demands and expectations being placed on a child outstrip the skills they have to respond effectively. To effectively solve problems, we need to understand why the challenging behavior is occurring (“lagging skills”) and pinpoint the specific situations in which they occur (“unsolved problems”).

· Lagging skills: These are the underlying skills a child may struggle with that is making it tough for them to meet expectations. For example, trouble transitioning, difficulty persisting, or difficulty expressing concerns in words.

· Unsolved Problems: What expectations is the child having difficulty meeting? Unsolved problems are the specific situation the child is struggling with. For example, trouble getting onto Zoom in the morning, difficulty completing math assignments, difficulty ending a videogame to get ready for bed.

It can be difficult to parse out why a child is struggling, but problems are usually highly predictable and more readily solved proactively than in the moment. This worksheet is a great resource for pinpointing the information above. Please reach out to our department if you would like help in getting to the source of your child’s challenging behavior. Tomorrow we’ll discuss one strategy for managing the challenges.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had conversations with parents who find that they are having trouble communicating with their children about challenges they notice. For example, their child is struggling in a given subject area and the parent wants to come up with solutions or offer ideas to help them perform better. The parents want to be helpful, but their children regard their input as critical and avoid engaging in productive conversations. There is a wonderful approach by Dr. Ross Greene called Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (previously Collaborative Problem Solving). Today, let’s take a moment to reflect on the problem solving strategy you are currently using. Here are some questions to reflect on.

· How do you understand your child’s challenging behavior? Do you see it willful or the result of underdeveloped skills?

· Do you try to solve your child’s problems unilaterally? Usually by imposing your will? Or do you try to solve problems collaboratively, by discussing the problem and possible solutions with your child?

· Do you solve problems proactively or reactively?

· Are you able to discuss problems after the fact or do you avoid doing so?

Over the next few days, we will explore some effective approaches for managing challenging conversations with your children, and hopefully help you get to a more collaborative place. For more information, Dr. Greene has developed a lot of information on the collaborative approach which you can find here.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

This week we are focusing on Dr. Laura Markham's tips on how to build a stronger sibling bond during lock down. Here are some tips to help you foster a stronger sibling bond between your children during lock down by helping them create positive interactions throughout the day.

Today’s tip: Use oxytocin to get your children bonding. Laughing. Dancing together. Singing together. Roughhousing. Include as many oxytocin-inducing activities as you can in your daily routine.

And of course the most important factor in helping your children get along is for you to forge a strong relationship with each child. When each child knows in his bones that no matter what his sibling gets, there is more than enough for him, sibling love has a chance to bloom. There is ALWAYS more love.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

This week we are focusing on Dr. Laura Markham's tips on how to build a stronger sibling bond during lock down. Here are some tips to help you foster a stronger sibling bond between your children during lock down by helping them create positive interactions throughout the day.

Today’s tip: Help kids work out problems without making anyone wrong. Conflict is part of every human relationship, and children are still learning how to manage their strong emotions. So you can expect your children to fight with each other. Our job as parents is to resist taking sides, which increases sibling rivalry. Instead, teach kids healthy conflict resolution skills, like listening, expressing their own needs without attacking the other person, and looking for win-win solutions.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

This week we are focusing on Dr. Laura Markham's tips on how to build a stronger sibling bond during lockdown. Here are some tips to help you foster a stronger sibling bond between your children during lockdown by helping them create positive interactions throughout the day.

Today’s tip: Support siblings to nurture each other. When one child gets hurt, make it a practice for everyone in the family to stop playing and tend to the child who’s hurt. Hold back a moment to let the siblings step in to nurture each other. Send a child for the ice pack or Band-Aids, or even let them be your medical assistant and tend to their sibling. Include all the children in this, including any child who was involved in the other getting hurt, so they can begin to feel like a helper instead of a hurter.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

This week we are focusing on Dr. Laura Markham's tips on how to build a stronger sibling bond during lock down. Here are some tips to help you foster a stronger sibling bond between your children during lock down by helping them create positive interactions throughout the day.

Today’s tip: Don’t interrupt happy play. You probably remember the old adage “Never wake a sleeping baby.” My corollary is “Don’t interrupt a happily playing child.” So when siblings are playing together well, don’t take it for granted. Support them in whatever way helps them keep playing, and don’t interrupt unless it’s unavoidable.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

This week we are focusing on Dr. Laura Markham's tips on how to build a stronger sibling bond during lock down. During this extraordinary time when siblings are mostly together 24/7, you may be seeing more competition and fighting. Which means that you may be doing more coaching, enforcing household rules or yelling. When your children are having a hard time with each other, it can make you want to tear your hair out. And it’s natural to focus on the problem, by trying to help them learn to resolve their differences.

But here's a game-changer. You might get more mileage out of focusing on creating positive interactions! That's because settling your differences amicably requires goodwill. In other words, your children's incentive to work things out happily with each other depends on how much of a positive balance they’ve built up in their “relationship bank account.” Here are some tips to help you foster a stronger sibling bond between your children, during lock down or any time.

Notice and promote the activities that get your children playing together. Research on improving sibling relationships shows that children have better relationships when they share activities they both enjoy. It can be tough to identify those activities, especially if there’s an age or interest gap. But if you pay attention, you can usually suggest something that will interest both children. For instance, if she wants to play store and he wants to play astronaut, why not have a store on the moon? Or maybe both enjoy the play kitchen, or doing art together, or making forts. Try to encourage at least one shared activity every day.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

This week, we focused on strategies from Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind.

Wired for “We”: Our days are consumed by running from computer to computer setting up zoom sessions, entertaining young children, sneaking in our own work and meetings, cooking, cleaning and so much more. It is easy to get caught up in the nitty gritty details of our daily schedules, while losing sight of the bigger picture. Now, more than ever, it is important to create moments in which we have fun with our children and actually enjoy each other’s company. We are spending a lot of time with our children – let’s use even brief moments as opportunities to show them that we love them unconditionally and enjoy their presence. This will provide our children with a sense of emotional safety, in an unpredictable world. What activity or ritual can you engage in with your family this weekend in order to make this happen?

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

This week, we will focus on strategies from Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind.

Let the Clouds of Emotions Roll By: Do you ever hear your children complain that they are just going to feel awful forever? Or have you noticed that for some family members the anticipation of a certain event or experience is more stressful than the experience itself? This happens all of the time. Humans tend to fixate on certain feelings or ideas, which then exacerbates them. Let’s remind our children that feelings come and go. In fact, on average, an emotion lasts for only around 90 seconds! Fear, loneliness and frustration are temporary and changing conditions – not permanent traits. Help your children understand that even if they aren’t feeling their best in that moment, it will pass, and they will be okay.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

This week, we will focus on strategies from Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind.

Move It or Lose It: “Go outside and run!” “I’m coming to get you!!” “Let’s go scoot down the block.” As parents, when we anticipate a meltdown brewing, we often instinctively direct our children to engage in movement in order to reset. The truth is that the science backs this strategy up! Moving helps children get more balance and control over their bodies and feelings. When we move, our body releases endorphins, which automatically reduces stress and helps us feel better. So, next time you feel that you or your child may be about to “lose it” think of a fun and creative way to “move it!”

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

This week, we will focus on strategies from Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind.

Name it to Tame It: Have you ever felt so upset that you thought you might be losing your mind? At times, your children feel this way too! This is because when you experience strong emotions, the control center of your brain doesn’t work well and you respond based on your feelings alone. One way to help regain control is to describe how you are feeling, or “name it.” Doing so jumpstarts the control center of your brain, enabling you to begin to organize your experience and make better choices. Your children may have a hard time identifying and labeling their feelings on their own- and that is where you come in! Helping your children name their emotions in intense moments will not only help them start to calm down, but lay the groundwork for them being able to better regulate independently as they grow older.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

As we remain in close quarters with our immediate family members, many of us are noticing that both the children and adults in our homes are displaying “big feelings” that are more intense and frequent than usual. This week, we will focus on strategies from Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind to help up navigate these “big feelings” in a supportive way.

Connect and Redirect: It is so hard to remember this in the moment, but when children (or grown-ups) are truly upset, they generally do not respond well to logic, threats, or harsh criticism. The more we try to reason, yell, or bargain, the angrier they seem to become. Next time your children’s “big emotions” surface, try to fight your impulse to immediately respond harshly due to your own anger or frustration. Instead, try to start by connecting emotionally with your children. Go into the interaction with a hug, put your arm around them, and/or talk about their feelings. Once they are feeling calm, you can more effectively discuss the behaviors and consequences. A little bit of connection goes a long way in these scenarios.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

There is a well-known quote by Stephen Covey, “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions.” It’s called the fundamental attribution error. Basically, when we explain the behavior of others, we usually overestimate personal factors and overlook the impact of situations. So, for example, if a child doesn’t clean up after herself, we may say “it’s because she is lazy” instead of “she was feeling rushed because she had a class to get to.” Conversely, when we explain our behavior, we do the opposite, recognizing the impact of the situation and not believing that our behavior reflects our inner character. So, if we forget to call someone back, we say, “I’m sure they know they’re important to me and realize that I was caught up with the children.” For children, especially, our actions speak volumes. We know we love our children, but our actions may not consistently communicate that. We believe that they know how we feel, but the things we do may not let them know how much we care. So, here is a list of 30 Little Things That Mean a Lot to Kids. If you can think of some more, please let us know! We’d love to share them with the Barkai community.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Throughout the week, we have been focusing on reflecting on our interactions at home. Take a moment today to reflect on what you now know about your family members that you didn’t recognize before the countless hours of being quarantined together. In this incredibly trying time, we’ve been given the gift of family time. While this can easily seem like a blessing for some, for many others, the “pressure cooker” of all-day interactions is heightening dynamics that may be challenging. For example, an adolescent who is resistant to being given directions may be engaging in constant conflicts with you as you try to navigate through the Zoom sessions, homework, and other daily tasks. On the flip side, however, the increased time with family members gives us the opportunity to get to know each other more deeply. Is there something you can appreciate as a strength in your spouse or children that you didn’t recognize before? If you’ve figured one out, let them know. Feeling seen for your strengths builds relationships, self-esteem, and emotional health. And of course, paying attention to how you’re doing is important too. Here’s a link to an article on The Importance of Care for Caregivers.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Playing with our children can sometimes be hard to do. It takes time we often don’t have and, if we’re being completely honest, can feel a bit boring. So much of the time, we have pressing things to do that simply overshadow sitting to play. Still, in the moments that we stop to reflect, we realize we aren’t spending the genuine, connected time with our kids that we wish we had the time for... I don’t have a way to give you more time, but I do have a way of playing, of being with kids, that is transformative and truly “feeds” their budding beings. There is a wonderful therapy called Parent- Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT). While it is typically used with families in need of intervention, its tenants are powerful for all. One of the cornerstones of PCIT is “Special Time” or 10 to 15 minutes scheduled each day to play with your child. There are a few strategies parents are taught to use during Special Time. Most notably, children are given the lead. Parents don’t direct, give commands, criticize, or even ask questions. Instead, the parent simply watches, reflects on the child’s behavior, praises, and shows enthusiasm. You’d be surprised at how different playing this way feels than what we typically do. Here is a link that describes the strategies in more detail. There is something that is transformative for kids (and adults!) about being seen, connected, and given the lead. In this crazy time, when many of us spend so many more moments in our homes but feel we have so much less free time, scheduling anything else can feel overwhelming. So, if you can find it in you, schedule some Special Time and see if it’s something that works in your home, to help build stronger relationships and children. For the families I work with, it becomes a cherished time that all look forward to.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

If we had a way of watching our behavior towards our children throughout the day, and tallied the positive, validating moments as well as those that were critical and directive, what ratio would we find? We are spending so much more time with our family members which is likely heightening dynamics, good and bad, that have always been at play. A good “rule of thumb” is five “positive” interactions for every “negative” interaction. But, you’ll likely notice that your ratio varies for different family members, and that it feels harder to interact positively with some of the people in your house. Noticing that the ratio of negatives to positives is higher for some tells us that we need to adjust our expectations. What will serve your child in the long run is feeling competent, capable, and worthy of success. Your input can go a long way in fostering that identity.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day demands of being quarantined at home with your families. Today, try to find a small moment to connect with each of your children in a way that says, “I see you, you are important, and I embrace who you are.” So often, we pass through the days without the moments of connection and validation. We inadvertently spend more energy communicating the things that we want changed than those that we appreciate. The lens through which we see our children becomes incorporated into the way they see themselves. So take a moment, or a bunch.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Try getting dressed every day this weekend. The way we dress has a correlation with our emotional state. If we’re in the same outfit we’ve worn the last few days, that has an impact on how we feel either in general or about ourselves. We’re currently in a time where we may feel isolated, less connected, and alone. It can become really easy to not have the motivation to want to get out of our pajamas or just simply due to being in the comfort of our living room, not feeling it’s necessary. Staying stuck in your pajamas day after day sets your mood. Even the act of getting dressed is directly tied to your mental health. Getting dressed in the morning can play a role in your mood throughout the day and lead to further productivity, optimism, motivation and an overall improved mood.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Keeping up with so much media coverage and staying up to date with what will be can cause excessive worry and anxiety for you and/or your children. Staying in the present and taking one day at a time helps reduce that worry and anxiety. Try this meditation exercise today with your children to help relax any worries they are having and focus on staying in the moment.

Guided Meditation: The Balloon

This guided meditation brings a visual component to a very simple deep breathing exercise. You can do this standing or seated.

1. Relax your body and begin to take deep inhales and slow exhales through the nose.

2. Start to take a slow, deep breath to fill your belly up with air, as if you’re trying to blow up a big balloon. Expand your belly as much as you can.

3. Slowly let the air out of the balloon (through the nose) as you release the breath from the belly.

4. Encourage your kids to feel their entire body relax each time they exhale, each time air is slowly being released from the balloon. You can even make a “hissing” noise to encourage them to slow down the exhale even more, “Like letting air out of the balloon.”

5. Continue for several minutes.

For Younger Children

If the child you’re teaching is younger, you can add a little more detail and fun to the exercise to keep them engaged. Young kids, especially under the age of 6, love the extra movement when they’re learning to bring awareness to their breath. Encourage them to stand up in a relaxed way and follow these steps:

1. Ask them to think of their favorite color and picture a giant balloon of that color in their mind.

2. Then have them take a slow, deep inhale through the nose, filling up their tummies with air as if trying to blow up a giant [their favorite color] balloon. As an option, you can also have them stretch their arms open and overhead to represent expansion and the big balloon.

3. When their balloon is totally full, have them hold their breath at the top, and then you can “pop the balloon” for them (gesture finger to belly) and they can fall down as they exhale.

This one will likely elicit giggles and awareness of their breath.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Today, try journaling about what is happening in your life right now. Write about what stands out in home- schooling, home, friends, family relationships? Instead of just going through the motions let's really try to think about how we feel around these things.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

"What day is it?" It's easy to get lost in the sameness of every day and have many negative feelings associated with the situation we are in. Today I challenge you to create a journal for yourself and for your children. Journaling helps you have a relationship with your mind. It helps boost your mood and reduces symptoms associated with depression. You can start journaling by writing about anything you want. Today, try starting with an entry on gratitude. What is something you are grateful for today? Here are a few directions to get you started.

• What to do when you’re journaling:

· Privacy- your journal is just for you. Keep it private so you don’t feel like you have to edit your thoughts.

· NO EXPECTATIONS- do not be concerned with format, spelling or grammar.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Welcome back from Passover vacation! According to the news, every week since quarantine began there has been a trend around what people have been purchasing. It began with toilet paper and hand sanitizer, then evolved into puzzles and games and now there is an uptick in purchases for hair trimming and at home hair care products. There has been a tangible shift in what people feel they need during this time. This is true for our moods as well. Many of us started off quarantine feeling either out of control or resolved to figure out some kind of order or routine. We then shifted into the mind frame of "this is getting old" and "what day is it?" Many of us are now feeling the full effect and trauma of livelihoods and lives that have been lost. On a global level the world is experiencing trauma and mourning. Many of us are feeling this on a personal level. We try to make sense of what's happening and that's also hard.

We can't take away these emotions and there's not much we can do to change our reality. So this week I invite you to sit with your emotions. Invite them in, create space for them. Cry. Allow your body to process through the intensity. Don't shove it away. Feelings we shove away have a sneaky way of coming back to us. Make space for your children's emotions as well, teach them that there is no such thing as a wrong feeling. Remember, "Abnormal responses to abnormal situations, are normal."-Viktor Frankl

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Why is this Passover different than all of the previous Passovers we have celebrated together? The list of answers is endless. It is easy to feel uneasy regarding all of the upcoming changes that we will be faced with regarding our typical holiday routine. It is likely that at some point during the prep and holiday itself, we will all spend time focusing on all of the hardships that seem out of our control. The reality is that there are plenty of factors that we cannot control. Instead of designating too much mental energy to these challenges, let’s try to reframe these thoughts and focus on what we can control: the way we spend our time connecting with our families, special actions that we can take to feel closer to Hashem, and fostering a familial sense of gratitude for what is positive in our lives right now. Doing so will help us feel more grounded and calm. It will also help us create a more enjoyable and celebratory atmosphere in our homes for the upcoming unique holiday experience.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Dear Parents,

With the Passover break coming up, we need to prepare for yet another adjustment. Our children will no longer have the opportunity to log on to Zoom sessions and connect with teachers and friends on a regular basis. As parents, it is important to ensure that social-distancing over the Passover break does not lead to social isolation, both for ourselves and our children. Click here for a webinar tomorrow morning that explains how to facilitate the social development of our youngest children, ages 0-5. For school-aged children, check out these apps that facilitate easy connections between children and their peers. In addition to these “screen to screen” interactions, don’t be afraid to think outside of the box and implement new family game nights, meals, movie screenings, etc. in order to ensure that your family is able to connect in person as well.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Dear parents,

It is normal for adults and children to be feeling anxious right now – which may get in the way of providing our children with the love and structure that they need! One tip to help cope with anxious thoughts is to designate a twenty to thirty minute period every day designated for worrying. During this “worry time” you should actively think about things that are making you feel fearful or upset. If anxious thoughts enter your head at other times, write them down on a piece of paper to review during the designated “worry time.” Although this may sound counterintuitive, research shows that having some boundaries and control over your worries helps to ease anxiety. Go ahead, give it a try – and if it works, try implementing “worry time” with your children as well!

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Dear Parents,

While reading through the NYT parenting blog we came across an article titled “Love and Structure Will Carry Us Through.” Yesterday we talked about the importance of creating routines to provide your children with a sense of safety and stability. Today, we wanted to remind everyone that it is just as important to focus on providing our children with love and care. Psychological research that examined the well-being of children who have survived a range of stressful situations, from natural disasters to world wars, shows an interesting trend: children who have safe, stable and nurturing relationships tend to have better long-term psychological outcomes. Let’s use today to think about different small gestures or phrases we can tell our children, to ensure that they feel loved and secure during this uncertain time. For more ideas regarding short rituals that promote connection, click here.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Dear parents,

We all have our own style when it comes to leading our families and our desire for structure. For some, creating routines feels constraining and foreign. For others, the predictability of a routine provides a sense of calm. Still, particularly in uncertain times, children benefit from the comfort of knowing what to expect. See the attached article on the importance of routines for kids- AHA Parenting- Routines. Routines will vary widely from family to family based on “school” times and child ages. Here is a link to a basic daily routine that is a good place to start COVID-19 Daily Schedule. If your children are struggling to follow the routine, you can add a place next to each “period” where you can put a sticker if your child followed expectations.

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Dear parents,

You’ve almost made it through your second week at home with your children. You’re likely having moments of calm and quality family time and others that feel chaotic and stressful. Take a moment today to do a mindfulness activity as a family. By finding your way back to the moment, you’ll help everyone find a moment of peace. Here are a few links:

Mindfulness Video

Parents- Mindfulness Activities

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Dear parents,

You and your children, undoubtedly, have big feelings and lots of time to manage these days. Here is an activity that can help with both. Spend some time this week making a stress ball- attached is a link with a video demonstration- Stress Ball Video. Alternatively, you can fill a balloon with rice, just be sure to put it into a second balloon in case it pops!

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Dear parents,

For many, it has been difficult to adjust to our new reality. Spending time at home with our families is at times rewarding and gratifying and at others challenging and overwhelming. While many of us are aware of our feelings about the situation, we may not recognize that our children are having reactions of their own, especially when are children are not demonstrating outward signs of distress. Here are some helpful links on how to discuss the Coronavirus with children.

Child Mind- Talking to Kids About the Coronavirus

PBS- 10 tips for talking about COVID-19 with your kids

As always, be sure to reach out to us if we can be of any support.

The Guidance Department

Dear Parents,

Our day to day lives have been completely upended. We are being bombarded with well-meant resources that leave many feeling overwhelmed and like we should be doing more. So, instead of sharing activities to do with your kids, we want to share a thought. In this crazy time, we have a choice of what kind of parents we want to be- a thermometer or a thermostat. As a thermometer we reflect the environment of chaos and uncertainty. As a thermostat, we regulate the house and set the tone of embracing a difficult situation and remaining calm. There is so much fear and uncertainty. Let’s try to slow things down and model good coping for our kids. Let's also try to live in the moment and embrace the gift of time to connect with our families with the knowledge that this is temporary. So take a few days. Don't try to do it all. Save the activity lists for later and for the moment just be.

The Guidance Department